How Self-Love Changed My Life (Less Settling More Slaying)

SELF-LOVE IS A STATE OF APPRECIATION THAT INFLUENCES EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES. FROM WHAT WE DO AND SAY, TO WHO WE CHOOSE TO BE WITH—WHEN WE LACK SELF-LOVE, SETTLING FOR A LIFE THAT’S LESS THAN WHAT WE DESERVE BECOMES OUR SECOND-NATURE.

In a society that embraces the “pretty filter,” (and I’m not just referring to physical appearance) it should come to no surprise that 7 in 10 girls believe they aren’t good enough.

 I was one of these girls, until one day I decided I had enough. I was tired of hating my appearance, letting others walk all over me, and as a result, hating myself for thinking the thoughts and living the experiences that made me feel worthless and powerless.

I reached a point in my life in which I felt so unloved and so betrayed by life, that I decided to rebel against my current reality. It started off with me giving the universe the most magnificent middle finger of all time.

“My self-love journey started off with giving the universe the most magnificent middle finger of all time.”

My internal dialogue went something like this:

“Screw you universe! You think that you can hold me back with all of your trials and tribulations? Well, you messed with the wrong one. I’m gonna take every damn brick you’ve thrown my way and use it to build my f-ing castle. So, sit back, as I adjust my crown, sharpen my sword, and handle shit.”

I was angry and ready to bring anyone who tried to get in the way of my happiness down to their knees.

Although it was this rage that fueled my desire to create my destiny, what I later realized is that how we feel about ourselves is not a destination, it’s a choice.

What I saw as an act of rebellion at the time, was me taking 100% responsibility for my happiness. Like most of you searching for joy, love, and a fulfilling life, I was conditioned to blaming something outside of myself (in this case the entire flipping universe) for the part of my life that I didn’t like. At that moment, out of sheer frustration, I unknowingly decided that I wanted and deserved a better life, and it was this decision to love myself (flaws and all) that sparked my transformation.

Like the old me, you’re probably blaming your parents, bosses, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, the economy — pretty much anyone or anything for your discontent in life. After all, it’s a lot easier than taking a good look in the mirror and accepting that the root of all of our self-hatred and lackluster experiences in life is us.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you’re responsible for all of the horrible things that may have happened to you in your life. I’m just saying that you have two choices: (1) You can blame everybody and their momma for the unhappiness and disappointment you’re experiencing in your life. (2) You can change the way you respond to your current reality and bitch-smack the shit out of your inner-bully until you see the outcomes you desire in your life.

“Bitch-smack the shit out of your inner-bully until you see the outcomes you desire in your life.”

By simply refusing to let anything dictate the way I felt, including my negative self-talk, I permitted myself to release the thoughts, habits, and behaviors that were fueling my negative emotions.

Regardless of how tired, flawed or defeated you might be feeling today, I promise you, you have the same choice.

Choose to treat yourself like a diamond instead of a dime a dozen. Shower yourself with positive affirmations in the middle of an emotional shit storm. Choose to see the glass half full of rosé so that you can find the silver-lining in the midst of a crappy day. And when you find it hard to keep going, just remember that life can be tough but so can you. There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.